Boy, is this ever accurate!
The truth
1 Reply
52 Lists – Week 4 // Current & future goals & dreams
{52 Lists is a weekly list project conceived & run by Moorea Seal, more details here}
I really enjoyed the writing of this list. I was stuck in a bus shelter in a car pool parking lot on my way to a portrait session, it seemed like the perfect time to set some goals!
As ever, I’m only sharing a little portion of my list, here are a few of them:
Get home for a visit - I’m unable to afford my planned visit home in May, but two of my favourite people are getting married in November so it’s my number one goal to get home for it.
Travel to some new places in the next couple of years - I need a holiday, badly. I kind of thought I’d get away with not needing a break, since my whole life would seem like a holiday, being in a different country and all, but after a while it’s not a holiday…it’s just life.
Find somewhere to settle - I thought I’d found my spot in life, at least for the next few years, but itchy feet are coming back and I’m looking for a bigger challenge, a bigger pond to swim around in.
Travel for work - It’s my biggest dream to shoot a destination wedding, travelling with my camera is sometimes all I can think about.
Be able to support myself full-time with my business - I am so excited for the day when I feel I can quit my part-time job and be able to support myself as a creative business owner.
Agree to work on a BIG and SCARY project - I’m sorry for being cryptic, but it’s about to get even more so. There’s this little project I’ve worked on with a friend, it’s almost entirely his project and I had lots of fun helping with the conception of it. At the same time I’ve been meaning to revisit an old hobby (but honestly, I’m kind of scared, what if I’ve lost all talent for it?), which would just so happen to add another awesome layer to the existing project. The idea of throwing myself into what will be a huge task, an enormous learning curve and a set-up for a rather large potential fall is TERRIFYING, but I need and want to try, to allow myself to dream that big and to believe that I can do it.
Previous lists:
52 Lists – Week 1 // Words that touch your soul
Weekly round-up
Shooting: The sweetest family. I had such a lovely time with these guys!
Reading: I’m re-reading Puckoon by Spike Milligan, love that man.
Listening: I’m on a serious nineties kick at the moment.
Styling: Loving this hat that my lovely friend gave me, it’s so cosy. I feel like this outfit was super nineties inspired too: baggy hat, oversized plaid shirt, leggings, slouchy socks, combat boots.
Making: Photoshop magic, well not *magic*, but I have been updating my photography website.
Loving: That my hair is finally long enough to do this…
Anticipating: An exciting little feature this week.
Strong female characters
Watch this, love Joss Whedon more than you already do, you’re welcome.
52 Lists – Week 3 // Things you should be proud of
I’m up to date now! I really enjoyed writing this list and definitely think it’s important to reflect on the things we’re proud of, it’s so easy to dwell on the mistakes and forget the successes. Interestingly, my list was 90% things I’ve achieved in the last 12-18 months, whether that speaks of my poor memory or my lack of achievement for most of my life I don’t know!
A few excerpts from my week 3 list, things I should be proud of:
I dreamt of living in Canada, and I am.
I dreamt of starting a photography business, and I did.
In a place where I didn’t know anyone I have made some incredible friends and managed to cultivate those friendships into some really special relationships.
I’ve started to create the kind of life that just a few years ago I never thought I’d have.
I turned out okay even though I didn’t have the most supportive environment growing up.
I taught a photography workshop last week, I was TERRIFIED, but I did it, and the feedback was incredibly positive.
Previous lists:
“Judgments”
I came across this image on Pinterest this morning and instantly fell in love with it. I’ve been thinking, and talking, a lot about slut-shaming and victim-blaming lately and this image is beautifully provocative.
Image credit: Rosea Posey
Then I discovered that the lady who shot this did so in high school, and I had to share it. It makes me realise how unbearably apathetic I was when I was in high school myself, hardly an ounce of independent thought or social awareness passed through my brain. I have so much respect for those that stand apart from the typical apathetic youth.
Here’s what Rosea said about the shot.
I took this last year, but in retrospect, I think it’s my strongest piece from high school.
Working on this project really made me examine my own opinions, preconceptions and prejudices about “slutty” women and women who choose to cover all of their skin alike. I used to assume that all women who wore Hijabs were being oppressed, slut-shame, and look down on and judge any woman who didn’t express her sexuality in a way that I found appropriate.
I’d like to think I’m more open now.
A little something to think about on a Sunday.
Weekly round-up
Shooting: Not my most groundbreaking photograph, but it was a special day!
Reading: Mostly my own notes – the above photo is from my first Portrait Photography workshop, I haven’t had much time for recreational reading.
Listening: Justified by Justin Timberlake, it takes me right back to my last year in school, it’s wonderful. Remember how insane Like I Love You sounded when it first came out, like nothing else.
Styling: Frozen eyelashes. It’s been very cold here this week!
Making: Lists mostly, I got behind on the 52 Lists project but I’m caught up now!
Loving: Beer. I’m pretty new to beer drinking, my Peterborough bestie has been introducing me, I’m not sure it will ever replace my beloved whiskey but I’m enjoying it. Plus I’m pretty sure everything tastes better out of a pitcher so…
Anticipating: The next project, I’ve been dreaming something up for a while and now it’s time for the hard work to begin!
52 Lists – Week 2 // List your greatest comforts
OK, so I’m already a little behind on this, life got in the way a bit, it tends to do that, doesn’t it? But I’m here eventually for week 2 of Moorea Seal‘s 52 Lists project.
I’m going to stick with my own personal format of only sharing a few entries from my list, a girl’s got to keep some things to herself.
Desert Island Discs - I’ve always enjoyed this BBC Radio 4 show but being so far from home I find listening to it a great comfort.
My cameras – I instantly feel happier and more like myself with one of my cameras in my hand, there might be an element of finding comfort in hiding behind the lens too.
Creating - The act of making something from scratch, either something physical or an idea or a photograph or a string of words, is instant comfort to me, my happy place.
Pizza - I wish I wasn’t so comfortable with my old friend pizza, but we’re BFFs for life.
Sewing by hand – the movement of a needle and thread through the fabric is hypnotic to me.
Rainy days – I LOVE rain more than anyone I know, the first few months I lived in Canada we had hardly any at all, as soon as a few drops fell from the sky I would be straight outside to enjoy it.
Tea from a proper teacup – tea is a hug in a mug anyway, but from a real teacup it’s an extra special kind of embrace.
Quality Moleskine time – I always have a Moleskine on the go, I’m not a writer but I do write constantly, it’s part journal, part inspiration file, part best friend who keeps all my secrets.
* * *
Previous lists:
Is it still strength if you aren’t vulnerable?
I touched on this in my 52 lists post and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
I’ve said it before, I pride myself on being strong. A series of unfortunate events in my life taught me just how strong I am, I can deal with the really rough stuff, I don’t fall apart when others do, I am able to get things done under immense strain. It’s my thing, it’s something I know about me, it’s proven. Plus, you know, other people tell me I am so it must be true…
But is it?
It turns out I might be completely wrong about one of my perceived fundamentals. Can you really be strong if you aren’t vulnerable in the first place? If your self-preservation instinct is so over-developed that you never really put yourself out there and risk being hurt, is that still strength? It’s starting to sound more like emotional detachment, isn’t it? Which isn’t something I would take pride in at all.
It puts me in mind of this quote from Bones (not generally a paragon of guidance but bear with me):
‘Bones’: I’m… quite strong.
Booth: Yeah, well, you’ve always been strong.
‘Bones’: You know the difference between strength and imperviousness, right?
Booth: Well, not if you’re going to get all scientific on me.
‘Bones’: Well, a substance that is impervious to damage doesn’t need to be strong.
Booth: Hmm.
‘Bones’: When you and I met. I was an impervious substance. Now I’m a strong substance.
Booth: I think I know what you mean.
‘Bones’: A time could come when you aren’t angry any more and I’m strong enough to risk losing the last of my imperviousness. Maybe then we could try to be together.
Bam. Impervious, not strong. Good old Bones. I’m not going to entirely shoulder the blame for this, we’re taught that to be vulnerable is to be weak, right? I didn’t want to be weak, so I didn’t want to be vulnerable either, why open yourself up to pain if you can avoid it? I’ll tell you why, because closing your heart to others doesn’t just shut out the pain, it shuts out the good stuff too, love. I found this awesome Brené Brown quote (Brené Brown is as wonderful speaker by the way, check out some of her TED speeches).
“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”
And so here I find myself, 27 years old and needing to learn how to be vulnerable, because who wants to be impervious when you can be strong? This is going to be a hell of a journey for me, I’m pretty amazing at building walls to keep people from trampling on my heart, I’ve been doing it a while.
It takes a special kind of bravery to put yourself out there. I can jump out of a plane and I can move 3500 miles away from most everything I know, but let other people hold my heart in their hands? That’s another world of brave to me.
Any tips for someone with a fortress of a heart looking to let down the drawbridge?
52 Lists – Week 1 // Words that touch your soul
The lovely Moorea Seal has started a brand new project that truly speaks to me: 52 lists. I am a list maker from way back, I make lists for probably every reason you could ever think of, and then some. I’m pretty sure it’s another certain-type-of-blogger thing, right up there with loving fall & being an introvert. I’m also pretty big on reflection/self-discovery/planning/goal-making, so I know Moorea is going to have some awesome prompts for the year ahead.
This was the perfect list to ponder over during my coffee shop visit yesterday. I’m not going to share my whole list, sometimes I like to keep my personal reflections kind of private. But I thought I’d share a few words and explanations.
“Contentment” – this is in quotation marks because it comes from a special friend of mine and a discussion we had about happiness. When I think of being content now, I think of him, both because of that discussion and because that’s how he makes me feel.
Teach - teaching is a mostly unexplored passion of mine, imparting knowledge is incredibly special and something I look forward to exploring in great depth this year.
Inspiration - inspiration is key, the only thing better than being inspired is inspiring someone else. I have never received a greater compliment than being told I’ve inspired another.
Light - this one is part photography, part life. I can’t figure out a non-cheesy way to say that life & photography are about the same thing – harnessing the available light and making the most of it – so I’ll stick with the cheesy way.
Friendship – I’ve learned more about friendship in the last 6 months than I have in my previous 27 years.
Vulnerability – this is something I have to learn, because currently it terrifies me, I pride myself on being strong, but is it really strength if you don’t let yourself be vulnerable?
Heart – last year I wrote my own personal mission statement (guided by Gala Darling) and it turned out that the overriding theme was heart. The last line is ‘love with all your heart…and shoot from it’.
